Responding to Children's Needs during Pet Loss

The death of a family pet is often a child's first experience with death and loss. It is an important time for parents and other adults to teach children how to express grief in emotionally healthy ways free of shame or embarrassment. Some helpful guidelines are as follows:

• Be as honest as possible. Avoid euphemisms like, "put to sleep." These can be frightening and confusing to children (especially young children). Encourage parents to be honest with their children about a pet's death and don't collude in lies.

• Understand that the emotional responses to a pet's death varies according to the child's relationship with the animal. Don't assume that a child's reaction will be the same as the adult's.

• Recognize that pet death is a significant loss for children and should not be trivialized or minimized.

• Discover what the individual child is thinking and encourage parents to be open and receptive to any questions/concerns that child may have.

• Be alert to "magical thinking." Young children often mistakenly believe that they are somehow responsible for the pet's death. Make parents aware of this and encourage them to talk openly with their children.

• Encourage parents to involve children as much as possible in decisions surrounding the pet's illness and death.

• Educate parents about the benefits of including children in the euthanasia procedure if the children are well-prepared and given a choice.

• Don't encourage replacement of pets.

• Encourage parents to involve their children in a good-bye ceremony and in memorializing the pet.

If veterinarians and veterinary professionals determine that children are unsupported in several of these areas, referrals to human service professionals are appropriate. Human service professionals might include teachers, school counselors, social workers, family therapists, members of the clergy, and counselors or support group facilitators who specialize in pet loss. It is wise to talk to human service professionals before referrals are made. Even though human service professionals may be highly qualified and skilled at what they do, they may not be trained to deal with grief or with issues of pet loss.

© Argus Institute for Families and Veterinary Medicine
Colorado State University Veterinary Teaching Hospital